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  • I've taken the liberty of making a separate box for my Miku V3 English, and in recreating the serial label, I've come to the realization that Vocaloid serial labels are written in Calibri, the default Microsoft font.

    I don't know what to do with this information, nor am I sure why I find it so amusing, but that's something I know now, as do y'all.

    Like... if I wanna recreate the Vocaloid logo, I have to go on a massive hunt to find something that resembles it closely enough, then to recreate the serials all I have to do is open up Publisher, slap in a text box, et voila? I'm sorry, I'm genuinely more amused than I have any right to be 😅
    The good thing about living alone is that, if you're writing a sensual kiss scene but don't have much first-hand experience in sensual kissing and being in a long-distance relationship makes practicing impossible, you can recreate the scene with your giant black bear plushie to make sure what you're writing is physically possible and flows naturally without fear of your mother walking in on you and presuming her sad, lonely daughter has reached an all new low.

    ...yes, that's happened before. Twice. Mom I'm just doing research I swear
    Ah, I got over my block a lot quicker tonight than last night! I'm really, really, REALLY glad I've been chipping away at that CPTSD workbook. I'm still... unstable, I don't know if that'll change without therapy and therapy's a dodgy subject since I only have a year left before I have to get my own insurance, at which point it'll be out of the question. But I've noticed I've been rebounding a lot faster after things that would normally take me out for the remainder of the day. Two days in a row where I've been able to write and NOT be completely ashamed of the output? I haven't experienced that since late January/early February.

    Best I can do is just try to keep it up, I guess. wish me luck!
    In a matter of seconds, where there had once been silence and tension, there was now two grown men having a water fight in the nude. Screw it, this is literally the best thing I've written all year, I love this so far.
    I'm not sure how, but shortly after writing a status about my re-loss of my writing skills and my anger and frustration at my failures, I managed to bang out another sentence in this fic. A bland sentence, but a sentence nonetheless. Then I followed that bland sentence with another bland sentence, and another. And now I've written enough for this thing to actually MOVE, and with that, it's just a little closer to an actual completion.

    Ah, I'm really happy 🥺
    ive been in a similar situation with a fic i have and man, sometimes thats just how it is.... it always feels so "meh" to fill it out with sentences i just dont feel very hard but then it gets going and im like "oh right, this is ok". though as nokone says the negativity definitely doesnt help and you need to find ways to loosen up!

    i used to have those issues a lot tbh in art and writing. and above when i say i relate to the whole.. writing 'meh' sentences and it gets me going, i also dont think "wow these sentences suck" ive grown to think "i just needed a slow start and thats ok". radical acceptence of whatever youre capable of in the moment is important.... no one does a 100% of their best every time they open up a project. its not possible. whatever youre doing, maybe its 70% or even 20% one day. and thats okay too because no one is asking you to do 100%, no one but a mean voice in your head really. the "100%" that exists in your head is the impossibly hard standard your mind has made up to make you anxious youre not doing better.

    ive accepted that even some days i do nothing, because i just cannot. its not to say i dont feel a bit down about it- i cant stop that feeling. but i can stop beating myself up over it, and accept that even if i get one sentence out thats ok. if i get none and step away from it, thats also ok... and when that mean voice telling me its bad to not do better, i counter it hard. not a "well im depressed so i cant :( oh well" kinda way. in a "it is not the end of the world because i cannot do this right now. its ok that i need to just stop for this moment, or just write one sentence. i accept that whatever im doing right now is what feels like my best, and tomorrow maybe that "best" will be different. but this is the present moment and i need to accept what im capable of right now- not what future or past me is capable of."

    admittedly this is all shit i learned in therapy. therapy helps, and works, imo. tho these are "mindfulness" techniques, and you can likely research about them too. the one i mention about is literally just called "radical acceptance". i hate to be all Therapist in this last sentence but ive been in recovery for 1+ year so i can definitely say that therapy has helped lol.
    Telling me to “have some G*ddamn fun” just makes me feel even worse. I try to have fun and I feel like a failure for struggling with that, kinda like telling a depressed person there’s nothing to be depressed about 😅 but! The rest is solid advice, from both of y’all. Thank you a lot! I’m going to do my best to keep this all in mind.
    Nokone Miku
    Nokone Miku
    Ah! Sorry. I didn't mean it like that (I was referring to having fun during the activity of writing alternating paragraphs with a friend, not writing in general). I encourage you to have fun, but if you're not feeling it, then you're not feeling it. That applies to inspiration too. If you can't think of anything to write, then just go ahead and write down, "I can't think of anything to write." Because that will help train your brain to keep writing. It really is just the action of writing that matters when it comes to your subconscious, not the content of the writing. Our brains are lazy and repeating an action is how we get it to change its behavior.
    It's 9:23 at my local Walmart. I fall to my knees in the middle of the toy aisle. "Why have five protagonists if you're only going to make merchandise for four of them?!" I cry to the fluorescents, a pile of plush and plastic in the likenesses of Sunny, Izzy, Pipp, and Zipp surrounding me. I have made a grave mistake. In my hubris, my absolute, astonishing arrogance, I have once more chosen the wrong character to simp over. This is the fifth Walmart I have visited tonight, and the fifth without a single piece of Hitch merchandise. My sorrow is overwhelming. My agony cannot be measured in words alone. The associates cast glances amongst themselves, wondering if asking politely will be enough to get me out of their store or if they'll need to call security. This process will repeat itself until Hitch has a plushie, and if I must suffer in the meantime, then I will make all of Arkansas suffer with me.

    Such is my fate.
    Hoo boy, I feel that one! It reminds me of when I was really into Friendship is Magic and all my faves were the ones that had little to no merchandise! (I also remember being a kid and was mad they didn't have "show accurate" Pinkie Pies, Lunas, or Celestias, lmao.)
    God, I feel that! Discord was my favorite, and his only merch was SO hard to come across. Patuk actually found and bought me a large figurine of him that I’d wanted for years 💗💗💗
    I finally wrote a whole paragraph a few days ago, and I’ve spent the days since then trying to polish that single paragraph into something better. In the process, I think I ruined the whole thing, because in trying to convey the nuances of what I’m going for, I’ve created a string of sentences that never come up for air. At the same time, simplifying it back down makes it feel incomplete, and I fear it portrays its scenario in an untruthful light…

    Throwback to two years ago when I cranked out four chapters in one week. Darby with Skill please come back
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    Nokone Miku
    Nokone Miku
    "Perfection is finally attained not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away."
    -- Antoine de Saint Exupéry​

    Things you can do when you have trouble writing something succinctly:
    • Write it anew from memory on a blank piece of paper (or open a no-frills word processor like notepad). Hours later, or the next day write it fresh from memory again. As you keep doing this and as time goes on you'll start to forget the unimportant bits, and you'll get better and better at describing things clearly.
    • Say it out loud to somebody (or a plushie if no one else is around). If you stumble over your words when speaking you know that part needs rewritten or removed.
    • Write the events in reverse order. As though you were describing a film running in reverse.
    • Do a freewrite about your struggle to write it (a bit like your post, but in more specific detail). "I'm trying to describe a scene where [event] happens, but having trouble conveying [idea] to the reader. I'm worried they won't understand [subtext] or I'm not making [detail] clear." As you write out your thought process with your conscious mind, your subconscious will then get to work solving the problem. And your subconscious is way more competent than your conscious mind.
    Hey, that last one’s actually pretty good! I might try it out. Thank you Nonoke! :akasakiminato_lili:
    Better get nervous, better get tense, better not let them catch you blinking! You don't need a reason, fillies and gents! This is no time for sober thinking! Mob! Mob? Momomob mob! Mob? Mob? Angry, angry mob! Mob! Momomob mob! Mob! Mob! Angry ANGRY
    So y'all need to get your asses on over to Netflix and watch the new My Little Pony movie RIGHT NOW. I already had high expectations, but this surpassed ALL of them.

    Also, Sunny/Izzy Superiority
    This is literally the first piece of MLP media I've fully consumed (discounting the breezies, for reasons), and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't anything short of brilliant! Of course I'll have to work my way back now to understand it, but I at least have two excellent tour guides to help me JKDFDSFD
    Oh yeah. It takes place either several hundred or a couple/few thousand years after Friendship is Magic (at least that's implied, as Twilight's adventures are stated to have occurred in "Ancient Equestria", and a member of the present-day royal family recognizes the symbol of her cutie mark but doesn't know what it represents or is tied to). So if you have even a passing knowledge of FiM you'll really be able to keep up!
    i need to watch it at some point! I used to be a FiM fanatic when i was little!
    Fellas, is it cultural appropriation to eat Pop-Tarts if you're not American?

    *Reference: we watched a video of a guy getting pissed off at people "exoticizing" American food and trying to liken it to cultural appropriation. Yes, it was just as mind-numbingly dumb as it sounds.
    looks at the poptart boxes in my pantry worriedly...

    jokes aside: who tf would say such a thing?? every day the world just seems to get dumber and dumber..
    Welp then Imma be a criminal, because I eat sushis, pizzas (including the Hawaiian kind with pineapples + how fun because within next hours I'll have one P^<^P with so pretty much Italian-level, coppa and mozzarella yum), pitas (a while though), various Asian things (caramel pork and Cantonese rice looking at you), curry, samossas, even tried out marshmallow in hot chocolate last Winter, eat popcorn, Cadbury chocolate fingers, Belgian chocolates and gaufres, cheesecake (blueberries and caramel ones forever), even tried out haggis (taste is nice but texture is not my fave though I should try it back it's been years) even tried out baking cupcakes, disocvered recently Lebanese and Greek food other than just feta and falafels (though they're cool ) burritos, enchiladas and tacos as well as fajitas are my love as well....

    and my biggest crimes : paëlla and rousquilles i DIOS MIO !

    It's like Pokémon, IMMA CATCH EM ALL

    (Also question to that guy : don"'t you think you'd be appropriating my culture by eating macarons and croissants ? /shot but joking... But seriously yeah, people can be utterly weird and putting energy in the wrong fights)
    oh no i ate a croissant yesterday i appropriated millyaqualine's culture oh noo :clara_ani_lili:

    I typed up five paragraphs about my love for this man on a "Who's your favorite game character?" thread in a Facebook group and no one's even reacted to it, so I've gotta get these feelings out somehow.

    (I tried balancing usages of his older and newer appearances, but what can I say? I'm a slut for his appearances in the new art style. Also threw in his "sad" sprite from Puzzle De because it's literally the only good thing about the entire game.)
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    If no one's gonna make content for them, then I'm just gonna make shitposts until someone does.

    Actually I'm... trying to write another fic for them? But I'm nervous. I don't know why, considering the last one was super well-received, but...
    New Vocaloid survey! It seems they’re targeting Engloid users specifically. (Naturally, That Side of VocaTwitter is already upset at that, particularly the ones that… keep asking for/demanding Engloids… because that totally makes sense??) I put in a good word for Cyman, though I’ve yet to use him extensively. I wonder if what they’re planning to do with the information? 👀
    I often forget that my vocalsynth career began with me getting drunk on a cruise and writing a poem that ended up earning me my first (and currently only) official publication. The grand prize was $100, and I used that to buy the V4 editor; while saving up money for my first VB, I downloaded all the trials I could find.

    That's an oddly specific origin story. I should keep it closer to my heart.
    Reading through that poem again, I've gotta say... maybe I should attempt poetry again. I'd like to make stuff that's this good again.
    If ever you’re on the ocean,
    Consider the night sky.
    Stars take on the shape of fireflies,
    Upright and scattered about
    And dancing in the heavenly pitch.
    The waves rise and crest below
    And reach up to meet them,
    Greet them with rapturous applause
    And cool their fire with fine mist.
    The moon is missed,
    But its absence isn’t too deeply felt:
    It entrusts its nightly celebration
    To the constellations,
    To the roiling ovation,
    And my friends, they do not disappoint.
    So if ever you’re on the ocean,
    Step back and look up.
    You’ll never feel so powerful
    As when you realize just how small you are.
    Nokone Miku
    Nokone Miku
    The night sky on the ocean is powerful imagery. The lack of ambient light pollution, especially on a moonless night, makes the stars stand out in a way rarely seen. I must admit that I've never been out at sea. I've done the opposite, where I've been far out in the desert on a moonless night, so I can imagine what it might look like.

    "Heavenly pitch" is a nice descriptor of the sky. As is "rapturous applause" and "ovation" to describe the noise of the waves. It works doubly well when you relate the scene as a whole to a "celebration."

    The moon's absence helps paint the picture indirectly without using the cliché phrasing of something like "on a moonless night." While the moon itself is a sight to behold, the stars and constellations, sans moon, are just as spectacular.

    The juxtapositions of the water reaching toward the sky, of fire and water as elemental opposites, of feeling powerful and realizing how small you are. These are nicely subtle literary devices.

    Your poem works because it comes across as genuine and unpretentious. It uses strong imagery without laying it on too thickly. Balanced.
    You know who I haven’t written or made content for in a long time, OliLen.

    You know who I’m experiencing a renewed passion for? OliLen.

    You know who I have zero, count ‘em, zero new ideas for, leaving them forever lost in a limbo within the confines of my mind? You guessed it! OliLen.

    I miss my boys.
    Mmmmmmm... I'm caught between talking in-depth about my CPTSD, and needing to keep my mouth shut. I know at the end of the day it's a personal thing and people don't want gigantic infodumps about your disorders. I opened up about it to a coworker I consider a friend yesterday, joking that I thought I just had Little Bitch Syndrome, and he told me that, yeah, all forms of PTSD really ARE Little Bitch Syndrome because people who suffer those kinds of issues are just weak and looking for excuses to not own up to their own weakness. So after that, I've definitely felt... pretty stupid, heh.

    It's like being 14 all over again. I was so excited to realize I was autistic because I finally had a name to put to issues I had struggled with for years, but my friends, though supportive and willing to listen, were obviously bored or annoyed and doing their best not to let it show, and my mom quickly shut me down and even expressed regret for telling me about my diagnosis. And that's where I am with my CPTSD: I wanna tell the world that THIS is what's been wrong with me, and THIS explains everything I've desperately wanted an explanation for, and now I can finally become a good person, but I'm an adult. I can't talk about those things. The mark of an adult is silence and keeping your bullshit to yourself. What good is improvement if you can't do it in private?

    Ah, I don't know what to do.
    there are lots of friends you have, especially on this site, who wouldnt mind you talking about these types of things at all <3 i know you can always reach out to me if you ever want to talk!!!
    a lot of people suck and dont care about mental health and they dont realize how important it is to people who struggle with mental illness/other such things to talk about their health. dont let them get to you!! there are always people who care about you and your health deeply.
    I just never talk about personal stuff in the workplace. Coworkers are not your friends. I've heard so many stories of people getting burned by coworkers. Never had to deal with it myself because I'm just naturally wary. Maybe because I observed early on that just because two people hang out at school doesn't mean they are actually friends. I get along fine with coworkers. I've always kept a group of three or four close friends. Like real friends. What most people call "friends" I would call acquaintances.

    Sorry that was a bit of a tangent. You do have to feel people out before you talk about mental health issues with them. Unless they've dealt with it, or have family members that dealt with it, they probably don't really know anything about it. Or worse, they actually have known someone who would claim to have various disorders, now and then, as a way of avoiding responsibility.

    Luckily I have some extended family members who have dealt with issues similar to mine. Unluckily I have some extended family members who have issues similar to mine. (curse you, genetic traits!) Of course, they only started understanding it recently, late into adulthood. Honestly, society only began to actually start understanding mental health in the '90s, and we've learned more about the human mind in the last twenty years than we have in all of human history combined.

    Anyway, don't take your situation personally. No one wants to hear your problems. No one wants to hear my problems. No one wants to listen to anyone else's problems. Okay, that's a lie. I don't mind listening to your problems. I can relate.

    You know, I've never gotten much help from therapists. I think by the time I started talking to a few of them, I probably knew more about my condition than they did. I've taken psychology classes. I watch all the newest documentaries on the subject. I read up on it when they update the methodology guide on diagnosing mental illness. Oh, and I have around twenty years experience actively dealing with my condition. I think it would be hard for them to match those qualifications on the subject of "my problems."

    My advice is to become your own expert on "you." Keep reading. Keep learning. Observe your own behavior.

    After all these years, and years dealing with this, here's my philosophy (this is philosophy and not medical advice): Mental illness is a physical problem of the brain that is affecting your mind. Whether it is some miss-wired neural pathway, or a gland producing inadequate chemicals, or deficiency in the absorption of certain compounds, or whatever it is we are currently unable to diagnose, understand, or fix; there's some part/piece/bit that is malfunctioning in your brain. And it's affecting your "mind," that is to say "you." Because you are not your illness. The illness is causing your brain to feed you bad information and impulses. And the only thing you can do is train your mind to recognize when it's being disrupted by it.

    If you are doing or thinking something positive, logical, learning, being creative, or find interest in something, that's you; that's your mind. If you are being self-destructive, irrational, impulsive, or just obsessing over something that doesn't actually matter, that's the malfunction feeding you bad information.

    You are not the problem; you are living with a problem. It took me way too many years to figure that out.
    i definitely get that feeling of wanting to say a lot mostly when you have a new diagnosis (i just had a new diagnosis mentally and its been. a lot to say the least lol). when i was younger i was far more prone to just dumping shit instead of thinking about it for a moment-- im older now and ive gone through the process enough to be more careful about it.. and thats definitely the thing, to be careful about it. its good to have people to talk with who feel like they care. and i learned after far too long that my casual friends are not those people. i say so much but its like it flies over their head. in truth, they dont really get it. in most cases, whatever youre describing is far above anything theyd imagine going thorough and they cannot relate, and likely dont know how to. not their fault, and definitely not your fault for wanting to come to those people!

    the feeling of finally knowing whats right and wanting to yell it on the rooftops is a relatable one for sure and it really does suck when you put yourself out there and dont see or feel the reaction you hoped!! i think theres this kinda idea that just bc your friends/family care, theyll also 100% understand and have the exact right way to relate to your words, and it doesnt always end up like that (often doesnt, id say). i agree with sketchesofpayne in the sense that its probably best to turn that urge inward and focus hard on you. take a breath and pause for a moment think about you first, not the people around you who will hear this. in my case actually diving into a good therapy has definitely halted these urges to just vent and dump to people and i barely even vent on online journals anymore because of it. of course not accessible to everyone right off the bat but you could still use that lesson and research, make plans (financially or otherwise) about your mental health!

    of course i also think online spaces/journals like this is a great way to deal with that urge too. i have a private twitter where i do that and only a few ppl follow. sometimes id browse forums or discussions but that can be a bit hit or miss depending on the topic (and possibly triggering)
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