Akari Engrish Original Song WIP

[GreenFantasy64]

So going to make this since I am creating an Engrish song for Akari (Funnily how I actually just wanted to try making her sing in English for fun). Maybe I will fail, maybe not. (^_^)/
So here is a first preview of the song, but Kaito [JPN soft] is singing it since I am not satisfied on the first part yet. It also sounds boring in some parts like no emotion is in it. (In fact for this preview, I just wanted to show only the part until the 'Ah~' but let the rest stayed there so you can hear some of my awful unedited part.
Here it is:
Box


Working on a complete English version with Kaito (only really having a hard time with 'boiling'): WIP

Go ahead and roost me of the awfulness critique me of what I could improve. : 3 Give me your knowledge please. _(:3 」∠)_

Here is the lyrics:
Please make these memories disappear
I have no need for the cruel past
Forever haunting me
Forever drowning me
I can't save myself
I'm drowning in boiling water

Ah~

How can you save me?
When I can't save myself
Look at my garden
See all the mistakes and betrayals
No life grows here anymore

 

[CallmeNerdy]

It's a really good song! Just a few things though (I'm not an expert, so I can't guarantee that I'm right)... You can try to make the consonants a bit shorter? The words start to become choppy when you make the consonants too long. Some tricks I used when I tried my hand at Engrish was using the [dz] phoneme to substitute for the 'th' sound, and sometimes removing the r's from the end of some words such as 'Forever' ([p\ o] [e] [p\a]) and garden ([g a] [d e] [n]) to make it sound smoother. You can also use devoiced sonorants to make your consonants sound gentler. You can also try to use the japanese phonetic system to your advantage by merging (?) words like "Look at my garden." '[4 M] [k a] [t M] [m a] [g a] [d e] [n]'

 

[GreenFantasy64]

It's a really good song! Just a few things though (I'm not an expert, so I can't guarantee that I'm right)... You can try to make the consonants a bit shorter? The words start to become choppy when you make the consonants too long. Some tricks I used when I tried my hand at Engrish was using the [dz] phoneme to substitute for the 'th' sound, and sometimes removing the r's from the end of some words such as 'Forever' ([p\ o] [e] [p\a]) and garden ([g a] [d e] [n]) to make it sound smoother. You can also use devoiced sonorants to make your consonants sound gentler. You can also try to use the japanese phonetic system to your advantage by merging (?) words like "Look at my garden." '[4 M] [k a] [t M] [m a] [g a] [d e] [n]'

Thank you!

Yeah, I should make the consonants shorter (I tried on a few of them but I should fix them up some more...and I'm using 1/32 so I need to use 1/64 right? : O) Oh, yeah I might do that for the 'rs' I took away an r from 'For' and it sounded much better, so I'm going to take your advice on that too. (^_^)
Oh, actually for 'Forever' I have it as [p\ o] [-] [e] [b e] so it has no 'r' in it. For garden I have it right now as: [g a] [-] [d e] [N] so I'll try yours out. (^,^)

Do you use velocity? I don't really know how to use it right I fear. (>_>;)> I'm also using clearness for some notes. Very little on Opening. I have not touched brightness, breathiness, nor dynamics.

Thank you again.

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Also I just realized that the lyrics almost seem like a poem...almost like how I used to write poems in high school. Or maybe I used to wrote poems differently??? Where is my notebook of my old poems at?

 

[CallmeNerdy]

Thank you!

Yeah, I should make the consonants shorter (I tried on a few of them but I should fix them up some more...and I'm using 1/32 so I need to use 1/64 right? : O) Oh, yeah I might do that for the 'rs' I took away an r from 'For' and it sounded much better, so I'm going to take your advice on that too. (^_^)
Oh, actually for 'Forever' I have it as [p\ o] [-] [e] [b e] so it has no 'r' in it. For garden I have it right now as: [g a] [-] [d e] [N] so I'll try yours out. (^,^)

Do you use velocity? I don't really know how to use it right I fear. (>_>;)> I'm also using clearness for some notes. Very little on Opening. I have not touched brightness, breathiness, nor dynamics.

Thank you again.

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Also I just realized that the lyrics almost seem like a poem...almost like how I used to write poems in high school. Or maybe I used to wrote poems differently??? Where is my notebook of my old poems at?

Your welcome! ^^
And velocity can actually be helpful with adding consonants at the end of a note. Lowering the value specifically. It can make the 'Disappear' (di-sa-pir) into (dis-ap-pear)

 

[GreenFantasy64]

Your welcome! ^^
And velocity can actually be helpful with adding consonants at the end of a note. Lowering the value specifically. It can make the 'Disappear' (di-sa-pir) into (dis-ap-pear)

Oooh~ nice. Okay. : )
Okay, using Luka (demo) and slowly working on 'Please make these memories disappear, I have no need of the cruel past' and now it's slowly getting much better. There is a few odd short hiccups in it, but it's getting there. (^_^)/
In fact, I don't know yet if I will keep this song short, like those tv anime openings since I only have Akari trail version and it's hard work making an engrish song for her. I only have her for two more days. (^_^;)> Unless I try to make a 2 minute song with Kaito soft then do a collaboration with someone that will own her then someone that will make the instrutmental...

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Unless someone finally hires me which will make my day

 

[GreenFantasy64]

Here is a new preview with this time with Luka (Hard). The song is getting improved! : D
There is a few tiny hiccups that I don't know how to fix yet. But I am moving on to the Chorus part before I got back to the beginning to try to fix it up a little more. Tips and help is welcome! : D

Box

 

[GreenFantasy64]

So since I couldn't be satisfied on the volume and mixing, the one that made the instrumental track gave me the tracks so i can mix it after asking me. X D
And since I'm not an expert on mixing, can you tell me how it is? Does something need work, something sounds off? Let me know!


Link to the site

 

[summers50]

link is broken?

 

[GreenFantasy64]

link is broken?

Okay, thanks for telling me, I put up a link to the site. I guess since I have it private it doesn't take you to the track if you click soundcloud, but hopefully the link takes you to the track.

 

[summers50]

Okay, thanks for telling me, I put up a link to the site. I guess since I have it private it doesn't take you to the track if you click soundcloud, but hopefully the link takes you to the track.

I dont think I can comment on the mixing...because...

The melody is hard to understand or get into for me. Some notes feel like they've just been placed randomly in a way where I cant get a bead on where it is in relation to the beat...

I aint a music theory genius so maybe someone else can say somethin.

 

[GreenFantasy64]

I dont think I can comment on the mixing...because...

The melody is hard to understand or get into for me. Some notes feel like they've just been placed randomly in a way where I cant get a bead on where it is in relation to the beat...

I aint a music theory genius so maybe someone else can say somethin.

I see, well I used F scale, but I had a hard with B flat since the notes sounded flat and squeaky so I was forced to use B few times. (>_>;)>
But for the melody... do you mean for the Chorus vocal part or before it? Or both.
Unless you mean the music?

 

[summers50]

there are things that are simply out of time but the chorus part is where i have real trouble. like idk i cant tell where the measures are or what they are

 

[GreenFantasy64]

there are things that are simply out of time but the chorus part is where i have real trouble. like idk i cant tell where the measures are or what they are

I see, hmm... Here is the VSQx to help you out if you like. (^_^)/
Box

Also if you and other people think it needs a lot of work, then I might have to change it completely in English and use Kaito ENG (or Collab with someone for Miku V4 English *_*). Because I only have Akari for a few more hours...

EDIT: Currently going over it and changing minor things up, like few notes shifts and moving selections to hit a certain beat, etc.

 

[mobius017]

I can't comment on the more technical stuff, but honestly, just listening to it, I thought it sounded nice. I found the lyrics hard to understand without seeing them written out, but that's probably par for the course considering 1) you're trying to get them to sing in a language other than the one the voice banks were meant for, and 2) having lyrics written out is very common, so it must be something most songs have a certain amount of trouble with. (Heck, even some songs sung by humans are unintelligible without the lyrics written out, so....)

Anyway, keep working with it and I'm sure it'll continue to improve!

I'd actually love to help you out with Miku English, but I honestly feel like you'd make progress faster working with someone else. I need to go into the mountains and train for a few decades before I become useful. :)

 

[GreenFantasy64]

I can't comment on the more technical stuff, but honestly, just listening to it, I thought it sounded nice. I found the lyrics hard to understand without seeing them written out, but that's probably par for the course considering 1) you're trying to get them to sing in a language other than the one the voice banks were meant for, and 2) having lyrics written out is very common, so it must be something most songs have a certain amount of trouble with. (Heck, even some songs sung by humans are unintelligible without the lyrics written out, so....)

Anyway, keep working with it and I'm sure it'll continue to improve!

I'd actually love to help you out with Miku English, but I honestly feel like you'd make progress faster working with someone else. I need to go into the mountains and train for a few decades before I become useful. :)

Ah, thank you, Mobius!
I fixed up some of the words so hopefully it would sound better to you guys. (^_^)/

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Also just for fun here is one song that I did with Miku v4 English trail! Box

 

[mobius017]

As another thought, if you do end up needing Miku English, you could always download the trial from Sonicwire. It's good for 39 days from the day of installation.

 

[GreenFantasy64]

As another thought, if you do end up needing Miku English, you could always download the trial from Sonicwire. It's good for 39 days from the day of installation.

I already used Miku trail. I used her English trail to try to make a song for the contest. Which I put in the spoiler above (Spoiler Alert: Which is another sad song kind-of) but thanks. (^_^)/

 

[mobius017]

NP. As I thought about it later, I sort of figured you'd probably used the V4 trial already. There's also the Miku V3 trial if that helps at all.

Your contest song sounds nice, too! :)

 

[GreenFantasy64]

NP. As I thought about it later, I sort of figured you'd probably used the V4 trial already. There's also the Miku V3 trial if that helps at all.

Your contest song sounds nice, too! :)

Thank you so much!

 

[CallmeNerdy]

So i was bored, and tuned the vsqx a bit...