Lyric Writing with Nokone

mobius017

Aspiring ∞ Creator
Apr 8, 2018
1,694
"I only cry in rain,because you don't deserve my tears."
The person doesn't literally cry in the literal rain. They are saying that they only express their pain in ways and places that it won't be noticed. Because they don't want the person who hurt them to see that they are still suffering emotionally. They want that person to think they've moved on and gotten over what happened. And honestly they think they should be over it and not waste time dwelling on that person, but they can't seem to do that yet.
Honestly, this was basically what I got from it. I didn't get all of the specific context, of course. But the line reminds me of several scenes I've seen in anime, where they put a character who is crying in the rain in order to make it ambiguous as to whether they're crying or not. So I figured the person was choosing to only cry in the rain because they didn't want a particular person to be able to tell that they were crying.

I get where you're coming from about wanting people to connect with your work. One of the major reasons to work in a communicative medium is because you're hoping to convey something to your audience that makes people respond with understanding to your message. A few thoughts about this:
  • This is a tough position to be in, because the internet can be a surprisingly difficult place to receive feedback. Unless you've become uber-popular, many folks won't see your work. Others won't be interested in providing feedback, positive or negative. Still others will like it but say nothing, or dislike it and be too polite to say so (Not that I mean to condemn this; bless us all, this world needs more kindness. If someone asks for feedback, of course, that's different.). For those reasons, you'll almost certainly never know how many people really resonate with your work.
  • At the same time, the world is a big place--an ocean of people with different experiences and perspectives. In such an environment, while you may be right that no one you know understands you, I'd say it's almost certain that someone will. And probably not just one.
 

Nokone Miku

Aspiring Lyricist/Producer
Jul 14, 2021
73
www.youtube.com
"You Don't Deserve My Tears"

kaito_dont_deserve_my_tears.jpg
(Placeholder image by 岡田α)

This isn't a typical subject matter for me, personally, to write a song about. It's based on a story I came up with. It will probably be a sort of nu metal song sung by Kaito. This is a first draft. I feel like it has too many clichés and I'll be changing lines in the next draft. I mostly wanted to get the rhythm and meter down for now.

In parts of the song I used a rhyming scheme where the final words of the lines were the same and instead the penultimate words rhymed. The commas divide the words as they're sung musically, rather than serving as punctuation.

The syllable structure is essentially:
1 2, 1234
1 2, 1234
1 23 4, 1 23 4
1 2 34~
(x2)

123, 456
123 45
123, 456
123 45
123, 456
123 4 5 6~

123, 456, 1 2 3 4
123, 456, 1 2 3 4
1234, 123 4 5 6

Lyrics:


back then, I fell for you
I know, you felt so too
bond beyond love, the two of us
inseparable

promised, to another
family, obligation
'said come with me, together free
just wait and see

we both pledged, ourselves to
one another
and I would, stay with you
until forever
but now I, must question
was that even real?

and back then, they said I, don't deserve you
and they said, that I would, only hurt you
so why am I, the one who feels the pain?

for all of, the time that, I adored you
now it's all, I can do, to ignore you
and that is why, I only cry in rain

I only cry in rain
because you don't deserve my tears

we fled, with greatest haste
flew to, some far off place
to start anew, a life with you
I was a fool

time passed, 'til one morning
straight faced, you said to me
that all of this, was one last tryst
a fantasy

you'd never, intended
to follow through
you said that, I was too
common for you
even now, I'm not sure
if that was sincere

I couldn't, believe you, when I heard this
wondering, what I'd done, to deserve this
I tried and tried, to understand in vain

after all, this time I, should forget you
I wish I, could act like, I never met you
to hide my heart, I only cry in rain

I only cry in rain
because you don't deserve my tears

and that's why, that's why

for all of, the time that, I adored you
now it's all, I can do, to ignore you
and that is why, I only cry in rain

I only cry in rain
because you don't deserve my tears



The Story: The man meets a woman from an upper class family. The two are practically soul mates. After seeing each other for a couple years he proposes and they get engaged. Shortly after, the issue of her arranged marriage comes up. He asks her to elope with him, and they do so. After a month living abroad, one morning she tells him she never really intended to stay with him. This was one last bit of fun and freedom, but now she intends to go back to her arranged marriage. She tells him not to follow her. He's crushed. And he honestly can't tell if she planned this from the start or if she changed her mind at the end. Because of this confusion he can't seem to move on even though he wants to. He feels like he shouldn't be wasting his emotions on someone who would do that to him.
 

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