I am writing this because I don’t have a journal to vent in and I have never taken music classes in school, so I don’t know what’s normal in terms of frustration.
I took guitar lessons with Dan, my first music teacher ever from July 2018 ~ July 2019. At first it was wonderful. I was learning so much and pushed myself to play extra pages in the beginner guitar book every week, I wanted to be “done” learning guitar as soon as possible. But as the months went on, I kept getting frustrated. The format was becoming stale, we would always do a page of the beginner book, try some improv, and I play tabs of a rock song I picked. I felt like I had to always be worse than my teacher (in a position of needing “help”) and needed to keep bringing in new tabs to ask for help on. All I wanted was to make original Vocaloid music, I wasn’t having fun playing other peoples’ songs (there are no tabs for the obscure Japanese metal bands I love). I wanted to know theory, I wanted to play by ear, I was attempting to make songs in Studio One but they were never a genre I liked (more like bad pop music and not metal).
Dan’s studio closed, so I took up bass guitar with a new teacher named Gary in August. I thought I could just teach myself guitar on the side while getting bass lessons, but because I wanted to learn music theory, he kept having to explain guitar stuff during the bass lesson (because basses don’t play chords). We realized how low my guitar skills were (my theory was way ahead of my playing ability) so we switched to guitar lessons. I basically only knew open chords and played slowly/awkwardly. Gary knew Dan and didn’t like his teaching style. He said that Dan thought students shouldn’t surpass the teacher and he didn’t teach much theory. I knew Dan was a performer who played music for the local theaters for a living, so I wouldn’t have learned what I needed from him, but with the theory and homework Gary gave me, I felt free.
However, as the lessons went on, it seemed like Gary grew more disapproving of every side project I tried. I had really liked Gary, so I signed up for two back-to-back lessons (so an hour) every week. But at the start of each lesson, he started to insult me and not let up on it. He would say that I should quit my job, live on welfare, and only play guitar all day and kept asking if I had practiced an insane amount every day (like 15 hours). At first I thought it was a joke, but he wouldn’t let up and kept bringing it up throughout the hour lesson every single time. I don’t understand, I’m paying him to help me, why is he tormenting me about liking guitar and music theory that much?
I got Guitar Pro and started composing my own short song attempts and making finger style arrangements of other people’s songs. It improved my sight reading and I felt like I was living the dream, actually putting my thoughts on paper. I brought in my song attempts and arrangements, but he always has something to say about them. He plays in the gypsy jazz genre, so nothing I ever made was a fast enough tempo, didn’t combine chords/melody like he plays, and he would look utterly bored when I played my songs for him because they were too simple.
I would write a list of the week’s homework and do at least one side project (like composing or learning a song I liked), but he kept making fun of me for being too studious, so I stopped writing a list and doing extra projects. Within two weeks, I was forgetting to do all of my homework (because I had two lesson’s worth so it was hard to keep track of) and playing them worse and worse because I wasn’t putting the time in daily anymore.
For my songs, I write both the tablature and sheet music on the page. Out of the blue, he pointed at my song and said I shouldn’t even be reading tabs. I was shocked, because he has been making me play a song that he hand wrote as tabs for the last few weeks. I truly don’t see the point in arguing if tabs or sheet music is better. I compose songs and copy songs into both sheet music and tabs, so I can read both. And when you memorize a song, both just fade away and you simply play. Why does it matter? Also, finger style guitar is my current main genre, a huge amount of song books provide tabs so you know where to put your fingers.
Gary also gets annoyed and complains when I ask about music theory, but then immediately proceeds to explain in great detail until I understand (even though I have completely stopped asking questions the last couple weeks because I feel dead inside). He kept saying my playing wasn’t on par with my college-level theory and wants me to wait or something. Why does it matter if you learn theory before being able to play instead of the reverse if it motivates me? I can make music in a DAW, so it doesn’t matter if my guitar skills are weak. He keeps saying that I have to keep playing guitar for years and then learn theory.
I used to sit in front of the computer with my guitar in my lap and spend hours watching YouTube guitar/theory videos. Now I don’t touch my guitar until I have 3 days left before the lesson to cram all my homework poorly. When I play, I get frustrated and feel sick and put it down after a few minutes. Before I was motivated to do homework to impress Gary, but obviously he is the opposite of impressed with my playing/projects. And I wanted to play the homework as best as I could so I could keep learning more new things, but every time I think I played the homework good enough, it would not be fast enough or played incorrectly.
I don’t know what to do. Gary is making me feel bad for being me, but I am learning more than ever at a fast pace. But when I pick up my homework, it’s boring and not my type of music. I feel like me trying to compose songs “before I’m ready” is somehow bad so I haven’t written anything for several weeks and now I feel aimless/hopeless about my Vocaloid dream. I try to find new songs to learn, but close the songbook because I’m afraid it’s too simple. He wants me to play the songs at regular tempo after two weeks, but it’s just too hard, I’m trying to remember fret numbers and stretch my hands but they’re not strong enough to play those chord shapes at that tempo after such a short period of time. He compares me to students who are slower or worse and compares me to children who play better than me.
I don’t know if the benefit of rapidly learning what I honestly don’t think I can teach myself alone is worth the emotional/creative cost. Is this how music lessons are supposed to feel? I feel like if I quit suddenly, it will prove him right.
I took guitar lessons with Dan, my first music teacher ever from July 2018 ~ July 2019. At first it was wonderful. I was learning so much and pushed myself to play extra pages in the beginner guitar book every week, I wanted to be “done” learning guitar as soon as possible. But as the months went on, I kept getting frustrated. The format was becoming stale, we would always do a page of the beginner book, try some improv, and I play tabs of a rock song I picked. I felt like I had to always be worse than my teacher (in a position of needing “help”) and needed to keep bringing in new tabs to ask for help on. All I wanted was to make original Vocaloid music, I wasn’t having fun playing other peoples’ songs (there are no tabs for the obscure Japanese metal bands I love). I wanted to know theory, I wanted to play by ear, I was attempting to make songs in Studio One but they were never a genre I liked (more like bad pop music and not metal).
Dan’s studio closed, so I took up bass guitar with a new teacher named Gary in August. I thought I could just teach myself guitar on the side while getting bass lessons, but because I wanted to learn music theory, he kept having to explain guitar stuff during the bass lesson (because basses don’t play chords). We realized how low my guitar skills were (my theory was way ahead of my playing ability) so we switched to guitar lessons. I basically only knew open chords and played slowly/awkwardly. Gary knew Dan and didn’t like his teaching style. He said that Dan thought students shouldn’t surpass the teacher and he didn’t teach much theory. I knew Dan was a performer who played music for the local theaters for a living, so I wouldn’t have learned what I needed from him, but with the theory and homework Gary gave me, I felt free.
However, as the lessons went on, it seemed like Gary grew more disapproving of every side project I tried. I had really liked Gary, so I signed up for two back-to-back lessons (so an hour) every week. But at the start of each lesson, he started to insult me and not let up on it. He would say that I should quit my job, live on welfare, and only play guitar all day and kept asking if I had practiced an insane amount every day (like 15 hours). At first I thought it was a joke, but he wouldn’t let up and kept bringing it up throughout the hour lesson every single time. I don’t understand, I’m paying him to help me, why is he tormenting me about liking guitar and music theory that much?
I got Guitar Pro and started composing my own short song attempts and making finger style arrangements of other people’s songs. It improved my sight reading and I felt like I was living the dream, actually putting my thoughts on paper. I brought in my song attempts and arrangements, but he always has something to say about them. He plays in the gypsy jazz genre, so nothing I ever made was a fast enough tempo, didn’t combine chords/melody like he plays, and he would look utterly bored when I played my songs for him because they were too simple.
I would write a list of the week’s homework and do at least one side project (like composing or learning a song I liked), but he kept making fun of me for being too studious, so I stopped writing a list and doing extra projects. Within two weeks, I was forgetting to do all of my homework (because I had two lesson’s worth so it was hard to keep track of) and playing them worse and worse because I wasn’t putting the time in daily anymore.
For my songs, I write both the tablature and sheet music on the page. Out of the blue, he pointed at my song and said I shouldn’t even be reading tabs. I was shocked, because he has been making me play a song that he hand wrote as tabs for the last few weeks. I truly don’t see the point in arguing if tabs or sheet music is better. I compose songs and copy songs into both sheet music and tabs, so I can read both. And when you memorize a song, both just fade away and you simply play. Why does it matter? Also, finger style guitar is my current main genre, a huge amount of song books provide tabs so you know where to put your fingers.
Gary also gets annoyed and complains when I ask about music theory, but then immediately proceeds to explain in great detail until I understand (even though I have completely stopped asking questions the last couple weeks because I feel dead inside). He kept saying my playing wasn’t on par with my college-level theory and wants me to wait or something. Why does it matter if you learn theory before being able to play instead of the reverse if it motivates me? I can make music in a DAW, so it doesn’t matter if my guitar skills are weak. He keeps saying that I have to keep playing guitar for years and then learn theory.
I used to sit in front of the computer with my guitar in my lap and spend hours watching YouTube guitar/theory videos. Now I don’t touch my guitar until I have 3 days left before the lesson to cram all my homework poorly. When I play, I get frustrated and feel sick and put it down after a few minutes. Before I was motivated to do homework to impress Gary, but obviously he is the opposite of impressed with my playing/projects. And I wanted to play the homework as best as I could so I could keep learning more new things, but every time I think I played the homework good enough, it would not be fast enough or played incorrectly.
I don’t know what to do. Gary is making me feel bad for being me, but I am learning more than ever at a fast pace. But when I pick up my homework, it’s boring and not my type of music. I feel like me trying to compose songs “before I’m ready” is somehow bad so I haven’t written anything for several weeks and now I feel aimless/hopeless about my Vocaloid dream. I try to find new songs to learn, but close the songbook because I’m afraid it’s too simple. He wants me to play the songs at regular tempo after two weeks, but it’s just too hard, I’m trying to remember fret numbers and stretch my hands but they’re not strong enough to play those chord shapes at that tempo after such a short period of time. He compares me to students who are slower or worse and compares me to children who play better than me.
I don’t know if the benefit of rapidly learning what I honestly don’t think I can teach myself alone is worth the emotional/creative cost. Is this how music lessons are supposed to feel? I feel like if I quit suddenly, it will prove him right.