I feel like I have the sound of something good in my head, but I have no idea how to put those sounds on paper. I am trying to self-teach with online tutorials and the like. Music theory sounds very confusing to me, and I don't understand anything I read about notes, chords, etc. It seems very mathematical and hard to wrap the head around.
Don't worry, the music theory you need to start writing is pretty simple! As with everything there's complex, advanced theory you can delve into if you have a passion for it; but the music theory used in regular songs is very basic. Theory is also a guide rather than a rule, a lot of music composition is done by improvising, with music theory just serving for inspiration when you get stuck.
It costs money ($14.99 to be exact), but I found
Hooktheory to be very a good guide for beginners. Everything is broken down into simple chunks, and formatted for people who are not familiar with sheet music, all with musical examples.
For a deeper dive, the book,
Music Theory for Computer Musicians goes into all the nitty gritty of synths and complex chords; while staying simple and not relying on sheet music.
There's also Youtube tutorials like
Andrew Huang's that do a pretty good job, but I assume you've already seen them. If not, give it a try!
The easiest way to remember concepts is to practice them, so don't be afraid to start composing right away. Often that's how it 'clicks'.
The art of learning what notes are in your head is called 'ear training'. I suck at it, so I find tunes by experimentation. But as I learn how different chords sound, it is naturally becoming easier.
Another thing that seems daunting to me are the programs themselves- I've never been a tech-savvy person, and taking one look at a program with so many different tools and complexities is intimidating.
Don't worry, this is normal for any new program. It's like moving to a new school: at first you feel lost all the time, but after you've been there for years everything feels small and familiar. Find software with a good set of up-to-date video tutorials for beginners, and start by following along with each one. The bonus is that once you've learned one piece of software, you'll be able to follow tutorials for almost any DAW, because the majority use the same general layout and language.
Because I know nothing about making music, I'm wondering if it's worth trying to learn, or if this is just another "spark" I chase only to lose interest some time later and end up having wasted a lot of time or money. How do I practice music if I don't know how to play it?
Very few (if any) musicians were born with music ability; skill is gained by listening, learning, and practising. Likewise, there's famous examples of great composers who didn't start until late into adulthood. You also don't need to learn an instrument to start composing. If you've grown up listening to music, and can hear songs you want to make in your head, you already have enough of a musical ear to start.
There's no predicting whether you'll pursue music forever or dabble in it for a few weeks; but just because a hobby doesn't become your ultimate permanent career doesn't mean it's worthless. You'll come out of the experience with a greater appreciation and understanding for something you enjoy, which can serve as inspiration for what you do next. Having knowledge of a wide range of subjects is useful for whatever you do. There's budget versions of music software - even free ones, and many trials - you can use to get started without investing any money.
1. How do you know which vocaloid to choose for a specific song? How do you know which voice is perfect for what you're going for ahead of time, and if you can even tune said voice to what you're imagining in your head? Should beginners avoid certain vocaloids / start with just one?
When you learn music, you'll learn about range (amount of notes used) and tempo (speed of the song). Start by checking out the recommended range and tempo of the Vocaloid you're interested in, and see if they match the song you made. If you're not sure which voicetype to choose, listen to songs in a similar genre, and listen to what style of singing they used. If they sing softly, try a Vocaloid that sings softly; etc. But even experienced producers try out multiple Vocaloids on a song. There's no need to get it right first time.
2. How hard is music production and working with vocal synths, anyway? How long does it take to make a song by yourself on average?
To learn music production: It's a giant subject that you could spend your whole life exploring. There's an old, often debated adage that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in anything. It's a decent rule, because you'd definitely be rather good after that amount of time! This means, realistically, a few years of regular practice to get a solid grasp on making music. Equally, you could watch some tutorials at 2x speed, download some loops, improvise a melody and punt out of a song by next week.
To make one song: This varies massively; but I'd say most consistent producers put out songs every few months. But this isn't all producing the music, it includes the time taken to hire artists and make the music video. With some experience, you can finish a demo (an unpolished version of a song that gets the overall feel and concept across) in a day. From there, tweaking can take as long as you can stand it. I recommend not spending too long on one song as a beginner, you learn the most when you make lots of different things.
3. How do you judge if your song (melody, lyrics, etc) is actually good or not?
As mentioned, the most important thing is that you like it. BUT when you listen to something over and over, your ears can become 'numb' to certain mistakes. Other times you get overly focused on small flaws and don't realise your song has potential. There's two cures for this:
1. Spend a few months continuing to learn while working on something else, then come back to your first song. Your ears will be refreshed. Don't panic if you hear things you dislike in music you thought was perfect, this is a normal part of the process.
2. Get feedback from others - bear in mind they may have their own subjective preferences, but feedback in general is extremely useful. Your song will sound quite different when heard by someone listening for the first time, so they will notice things you don't. More experienced musicians can give you tips, and even someone without musical knowledge will help you understand the impression your song gives.
Every song is loved by someone and hated by someone else, so it's often easier to think of musical quality in terms of 'does this convey the feeling I want it to?' rather than 'is this good?'.