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uncreepy

uncreepy

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  • uncreepy
    I feel like I have to do something different about social media + the vocal synth community. I am getting so upset/depressed about stuff that I am barely posting anyway and just skimming notifications/pretending to read them. My bad thoughts are piling up and it's not fun anymore.

    I am afraid to miss seeing how everyone is doing/see what they have to say and create, but I have so many things I dislike about this community that it's affecting my real life. I think I want to just quietly pop into the VocaVerse forum/Twitter to see if I have any important PMs (translation related projects or people just wanting to chat about non-vocal synth life stuff, I guess), but avoid starting any conversation or reading anything that will upset me. I will still be on Discord daily, though (I also said I'd do the Japanese manga thing on Friday). I just feel like the forum/Twitter create pressure for me.

    One main thing that has been really bothering me is child-exploitation related art on Twitter of certain synth characters. Some of the big community members/companies retweeting stuff like that disturbs me. Some people who share things like that keep reaching out to me and I put up with it because of my translation position, but it filled me with self-hatred. Just being in this community for a couple years and I can honestly say this is the most traumatized I've felt looking at artwork out of any other community (I would rather turn off the mature filter on FurAffinity... at least they're legal!). And recently people have been targeting me for my opinion on Miku NT (PMing me, 2-3 people having conversations about why they don't agree with me, and getting long rants from individuals trying to convince me to love everything about Crypton/NT). It's ridiculous to argue over what I equate to liking chocolate milk or not! I paid money for NT, I think I have a right to review it!

    Anyway... I feel so "over" Crypton because of the NT debacle, thinking about all of the disgusting Miku drawings I've seen (some of it officially endorsed by Crypton), and thinking about the time/energy I've wasted on my Wat thread which ended up being filled with misinformation... I'm sick of people being either really depraved otaku or really aggressive about their opinions or selfish about voicebanks and things like that. (End rant.)
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    Aia
    Aia
    I'm really sorry to hear that. I exactly know how you feel. These past few days have been really bringing me down, especially with all these heated and petty arguments sprouting from nowhere. Though what I'll never know what you went through, so I just hope you take care of yourself, whether that may be leaving or taking a break.
    lIlI
    lIlI
    Eeesh, that sucks. It sounds like the images you're seeing go against Twitter's terms of use, it might be worth reporting them here if you haven't.
    CdrSonan
    CdrSonan
    I‘m really sorry that happened to you, there really are times where a way to un-see things would be good...
    I don‘t think I can imagine how all of this feels to you, but I hope things get better and most importantly that you‘ll be better soon!
    uncreepy
    They never teased a small scale Kaito figure based on the crowdfunding, did they? (Like what they did for Meiko: Vocaloid merchandise news )
    mobius017
    mobius017
    I had a quick scan back through Twitter, but I didn't see anything. A bit at the end of the article from that post seems to indicate that there wouldn't be anything at the moment, but it could be something they're working toward as a future possibility:

    そしてまだ先の先になりますが、MEIKOだけでなくKAITOのフィギュアも作っていただけるよう、各所調整を進めていければと思います(*`ｴ´*)b
    Click to expand...
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    mobius017
    mobius017
    Strange thing is, I thought I had maybe seen something like that, but I'm not finding it at the moment.
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    uncreepy
    Ever since the semester ended (and I stopped caring about the Wat thread), I've gotten SO much free time, it's insane. I don't even know what to do for fun and have just been doing chores. I was thinking really hard about what I used to do before getting into vocal synths and I realized that I have been seriously neglecting anything lyric/visual kei related. That's the reason I learned Japanese. I would just look at beauty men and learn lyrics for hours every day.

    I think I let synths take over way too much in my life and I was feeling bad about it. I think that I need to seriously revisit some old lyrics I translated, go to v-kei blogs, flip through my Cure magazines, and just sit down and translate some songs I've sacrificed in favor of (gag) Wat tweets. Really feel like I lost a huge part of my spooky-loving, over-the-top self. I'm getting tired of people trying to get me to agree about vocal synth stuff if I complain even a little (like Miku NT's quality) or being under a microscope in the community, I was used to being completely alone for years and just doing Japanese by myself. I mean, I got what I wanted in the community (working my way up) but at the same time sort of feel like I sold my soul.

    Not sure how to explain it, I guess. Not quitting vocal synth (that would never happen), just in such an uninspired dry spell that I feel like I don't even know why I wanted to make original music in the first place. Maybe if I go to my music roots (lyrics), I will go back to normal.
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    DefiantKitsune
    DefiantKitsune
    tbh I don't get why people would come after you for criticizing Miku NT's quality considering reception seems mixed at best :(
    uncreepy
    uncreepy
    I don't know... Every time I make a tweet thread complaining about crashes/features I have an opinion about, someone well-known in the community keeps PMing me to try to change my mind! I bought her, why can't I complain that things didn't go as expected? I feel like kind of embarrassed, too, because tons of people like my "dumb" threads so I can't help but feel like they're taking what I say too seriously, because of the whole "translating Wat stuff for years" thing. Or if I make a tweet thread, people in the community make their own tweet threads directly in response to it defending NT's honor or agreeing. Like, I just am a professional complainer, it's not that serious. Ahhhg!
    uncreepy
    Not vocal synth related, but I was looking at my old Word doc with my "witch story" on it and have a couple favorite parts. Here's one of them:

    I imagined my mother taking some delicious, warm cinnamon rolls out of a giant oven deep within the castle. Other chefs would be darting around the kitchen, mixing dough and sprinkling things on top of freshly baked items, pushing around carts stacked high with fancy treats. My sister would swoop in with a bag of frosting--mm, I could almost smell it, and taste the warm frosting which melted a little once it hit the surface.

    I really wish I was a writing wizard and could hurry and finish this story. But I keep getting too busy and have been stuck at 20 pages for a long time.
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    mobius017
    mobius017
    I remember creating the first story I wrote seriously back in college. I'd work on it sometimes in the evenings after class or in free time on weekends, but I also used free time I had while waiting for classes to start or over lunch. Before class started was easier because I had a notebook handy, and I could obviously copy that work onto my computer later. During lunch, though, when it was harder to spare my hands, I'd shadow write--I'd literally write passages, sometimes even short chapters, in my head. I often did the same one multiple times, if I didn't have time to transcribe it in the interim. Each time was usually slightly different, because I'd forget some things and add others. And there was more than once that I was disappointed when I sat down to actually recreate such content, because I didn't think it came out as well. But I think the exercise was good, and I did find and solve some problems by shadow writing things before I actually wrote them. You might find either of those approaches helpful, or at least fun ways to pass minutes you can't spend otherwise.

    The passage you have looks good so far!
    uncreepy
    If NT doesn't end up getting Cherry Pie, I want to apologize ahead of time for creating the thread that contributed to giving the impression that we would get Cherry Pie as an NT effector. I feel really horrible about it and like it's my fault people might have "wasted" their money and won't get Cherry Pie.

    I feel so bad I don't know how to get over this, and waiting for a reply from Wat I know I probably won't get. So I expect to suffer until the full version of Miku NT is released as my personal little underworld. I know people are waiting for me to ask that letter on behalf of non-Japanese producers, too, I keep putting it off because I am so immensely stressed. I hate Crypton so much right now and how poorly they handle everything all the stinking time
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    Blue Of Mind
    Blue Of Mind
    To be honest, the way Cherry Pie was promoted really did make it seem like it could/would be bundled with NT. So don't beat yourself up for assuming things.
    uncreepy
    uncreepy
    I feel like I the level of pain I am feelings can't be understood, because I spent two years and so, so, so many hours translating and it turned out to be pretty worthless. I don't think anyone could relate to that level of "dedication" unless they were a wiki editor or something, but then imagine that most of what they wrote was incorrect and therefore devastating. It was fun at first and I know people appreciate the translations. But I feel truly stupid and like I wish I could wash the whole thing away from me, I sullied my uncreepy name by being a stupid crypton_watologist (uncreepy = the name was me and my sister used after giving up on art and talking to people for 5 years and it was a name that embodied our personalities), but now I just think back to all the times I got angry over stupid software we barely new anything about. I really don't know what I was thinking, I had several times where I was about to quit and I wish I had followed through. I think I'm more emotional about it because of all the bad stuff going on in the real world right now, but I don't know what to do to feel better. At this point, music and Voiceroid and translating is not fun and is stressing me out a lot, especially since I gained like... 30 followers in maybe 2 weeks over Crypton-related things and I feel like I'm under a microscope and people have expectations for me. Sorry for venting.
    mobius017
    mobius017
    You may be right--two years and untold hours of work are an awful lot to compare to. But it seems like one of the things you're upset about is all the work and suffering you went through, and the fact that it didn't ultimately result in the goal you'd hoped for.

    It didn't last for over two years, but I've had somewhat similar situations come up a few times; the most recent, I think, occurred in more sporadic segments over the past 10 months. It sucks every time it happens. I'm not sure there's anything I can say that will make it feel better, but the feelings of demeanment, foolishness, disappointment, and anger do pass. (In my case, it took 4 days to a week.).

    To the extent that you blame yourself for how you're feeling, I think you're being too hard on yourself. I think it's desirable to dream about things and work toward them, even if that means following news and trying to bring it to other people rather than building a product yourself or something. It's natural to get invested in it. It's admirable to try to keep things as factually honest as possible, which was your policy in the thread even if the connection you saw between Cherry and NT was incorrect. And when these sorts of things fall apart, it's inevitable to feel disappointed and even to regret the whole thing. To an extent, I find it comforting to view things in this mechanistic cause/effect way when things like this happen--being comfortable with who I am, it's comforting somehow to see that things came about logically from situations that occurred around me, because it makes the universe seem less capricious.

    I think there's honor and character in how hard you worked and in the way you worked/the effort you put toward separating fact from opinion in the discussion in the thread. You should be proud of those things, even if the ultimate goal you had of preparing for eventual ownership of Cherry Pie evaporates. I can't speak for Twitter, but I think your reputation on VVN, at least, is much more based on those things and the tremendous service you've provided people here by bringing them information that they couldn't get for themselves, rather than whether you were right or wrong about Cherry being bundled with NT. If the 30 new Twitter followers feel differently, then they basically only followed you for a convenient source of info about a hot topic, and such a tangiential, self-serving connection should be easy-come-easy-go from your point of view.

    I feel like I've probably said too much, because quiet time for a sort of grieving for the disappointment is probably the best way to feel better. But I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that no one here thinks less of you because of any of this, and we just hope you feel better soon.
    uncreepy
    @Exemplar This robot maid reminded me of when you talked about replacing Pepper's Ghost and also about the Mirai Komachi robotic head.

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    Exemplar
    Exemplar
    I've had seen LCD screens used for eyes in masks before. Mostly fursuit masks tho.
    uncreepy
    uncreepy
    Yeah, I've seen those fursuits before. I've never seen it on an anime mask before... Or an anime mask on a robot maid who rolls down the hall while you hold her hand. LOL
    Exemplar
    Exemplar
    The concept I was exploring for performances was basically a kig-idol but using illusionary techniques to produce a 2d effect in a real life 3d environment. The kig-idol idea has been explored with Tsukasa Uduki, but she has been on hiatus since early this year

    uncreepy
    Just hit me how weird the whole Crypton thing is right now. Got a flood of followers in one day, constant notifications/messages (like 20+ at a time). It just started out as an innocent question ("What's the process Western producers use to get commercial approval from Crypton?") and it opened an immense can of worms relating to language barriers, cultural differences (doujin vs commercial), paranoid/upset fans...

    The question of the new Miku NT agreement requiring permission for commercial use on top of me unraveling Western producers' "dirty little secret" of not knowing HOW to get permission just... crashed down together in the perfectly timed storm. Only 1 popular Western producer has stepped forward explaining what they did, but no one else has other than 2 Japanese users.

    I know popular Western producers are watching because I'm getting notifications of them liking my thread as it develops. I just hope this ends up having a simple resolution that will satisfy fans.

    I finished the 1st letter asking about NT vs Vocaloid and will send it tonight. Will work on questioning about permission in a day or two.

    Another question is the fact that Crypton missed the 20th deadline for Miku NT. What is going on?!?! I feel like everything is bizarre right now and like I'm not in control (even though I have power in the situation, as in I can contact them in Japanese.) Wow!
    uncreepy
    Please help (and please read the thread for 2 additional posts on the matter)
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    uncreepy
    uncreepy
    Thanks for the info, I'll have to look into the Karent thing. I ended up getting it confirmed by a 2nd Japanese user about there being only 3 ways to get permission for commercial use. But none of them mentioned Karent. I was under the impression that Karent was an invite only type of website, but maybe I'm wrong.
    parallax_fifths
    parallax_fifths
    mobius017
    mobius017
    @uncreepy: Mm, you may be right about Karent being by invitation. I don't know one way or the other, but I believe "On Top" is the only Lupin/nostraightanswer song on Karent, and it's a song contest song, so CFM would have known about it. It was the Expo 2018 contest, so I'm not sure what the contest terms would have been; I would think either CFM stipulated that entries could be marketed on Karent after the contest, or they worked out terms with Lupin later.

    Karent aside, it seems like it must be possible to license with CFM in other ways. Lupin also has an album called SYNTECH+ (Its companion album, SYNTECH-, is a self-cover, which I believe means he sings the songs himself.) that includes two songs featuring Miku ("Someday You'll Notice The Evening Colored Horizon" and "Pacify"). The album is sold on Bandcamp, so there must be some licensing worked out for it also.

    @parallax_fifths: Thank you!
    uncreepy
    I FINALLY DID IT!!! YEAAAH! It only took 5 days of trial and error, sweat, blood, and tears... My first simple Voiceroid animation! Muahahahahaaaaaa... Next time will be more complexly animated. But I wanted to do this as my last fun thing before going back to Cisco homework.

    uncreepy
    I finished my PowerPoint/am therefore done with 2 out of 3 classes. Plus, I submitted my thank you note for a scholarship. So now all I have to worry about is surviving Cisco.

    I didn't end up animating last night cause some stuff happened. Maybe today will be the day?
    uncreepy
    I started my 10 min PowerPoint on the 12th, now I just have 2 slides left. Will finish tomorrow. Phew... Who knew collecting images, arranging them, coming up with bullet points, writing a script/recording it could take so long. We can't just turn in the file, we have to record our screens showing our PowerPoint for some reason (even though you can embed audio into the slides, which I did)...

    After this, I can start Cisco again.

    Gonna try to animate a Voiceroid video tonight. Finally got my file set up and I'm giving up on homework for the night. Hopefully I get un-rusty at animating in After Effects quickly!
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    uncreepy
    uncreepy
    Forgot to mention it, but my presentation is 19 slides long! It was hard to arrange all that info!
    uncreepy
    I thought I had to write a paper giving general cyber security advice, but we have to make a 10-15 min long PowerPoint and record ourselves narrating it. (Feels like a bootleg Ted Talk.) We also have to hit 17 points the teacher gave us, but they're complex topics (ex: encryption, admin users) even though this is supposed to be aimed at people who have below average computer skills? I really don't feel inspired to write at all, I am so burned out and just want a day off.

    I have five 20 min tests for Computer Fundamentals, this PowerPoint and a lab for Security, and a final exam and extra credit for Cisco. I asked for an extension for Cisco cause it's the hardest (everyone got offered it because of the virus, I just need to find out if it's approved). I am way beyond tired/dead inside. I just want a day off and to be creative again. Sick of feeling emo about school and would like to be positive again. School's over on the 20th, but I feel like I already puttered out early.

    The Cisco extra credit is a nightmare I started during Spring Break but got too busy to finish. I already spent like over 10 hours on it, because it's 50+ math questions. So far, my word doc for it is like at least 40 pages and I'm only half done...
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    peaches2217
    peaches2217
    Hang in there! We’re rooting you on! :akasakiminato_lili:
    uncreepy
    uncreepy
    Hallelujah, I got the extension! I finished my Computer Fundamentals class (the five 20 min tests) this morning. So now I just have to focus on the PowerPoint for Security, take a breather, and then finish Cisco by June 30th (not gonna take that long, though).

    I didn't think of each topic being able to be split by 1 point per minute, thanks for pointing that out.

    Thanks for the encouragement, everyone!
    mobius017
    mobius017
    Plus some amount of time, I'd assume, for some kind of intro/closing also. With 17 points and 15 minutes, less maybe 1 or 2 minutes, you really aren't given much time for each point at all.
    uncreepy
    I know I have like a million unfinished threads/resources/various projects. I swear I will go back to them after I get the finals for 2 of my classes done. The semester's over on the 20th.
    uncreepy
    Dunno a nice way to say this, but I feel discouraged. I have fun making test songs, but then when I get to the part of combining the singing/instruments, everything falls apart because I can't mix.

    I don't know where to start learning, all the vocab is difficult and feels like a maze keeping me trapped in one place. I've been making my own original instrumentals in addition to covers, but without good mixing... everyone hates the results because it sounds like cats yowling in an alley. (Nobody likes how I tune except me, too, so that doesn't help me not feel like the worst's biggest dunce.)

    I feel like I have to keep my music projects secret and stop sharing them because they literally bring people pain (to their ears). And just wait to post them until I learn basic mixing, however many months that'll take... This stinks.

    No one can even help me with advice because mixing doesn't make sense to me. Or the people I try to ask for help don't know how to mix or just plain won't help. It's not like I can pay someone to mix for me for every single little short project, either.
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    DefiantKitsune
    DefiantKitsune
    There was a great tutorial on VO that was probably one of the biggest losses
    GreenFantasy64
    GreenFantasy64
    As you're slowly learning on how to mix, how about simple mixing meanwhile? Like some EQ on some instruments, Compression (use the options for each instruments), light reverb, and limiter? For VOcals I use all that (I mainly use for Vocals settings for most of them and in Fl Studio I use Norton 8 too lately)
    uncreepy
    uncreepy
    @parallax_fifths Thanks so much for the link, I appreciate it. I started to watch it today and have been keeping notes on Wordpad. I feel like the video is explaining everything in the most simplest way possible while staying interesting. It's really helping out so far! The visuals to represent sound placement really helps, too.

    @DefiantKitsune Maybe one day someone will write a really great tutorial for VocaVerse that will fill the gap...

    @GreenFantasy64 Thank you for the tips!
    uncreepy
    This week's Cisco networking homework is painful. First lab took 6 hrs, 2nd took 3 hrs, 3rd took 2 hrs, 4th took 3 hrs, 5th took 30 min. Got started with the 6th one while following a 30 min tutorial, but I know it's gonna take 3x longer than the tutorial and I can literally feel my soul shriveling up. I wish the directions weren't so confusing and vague, this is way harder than it needs to be.

    (We're converting binary 0s and 1s for IPv4 and IPv6 networks so they can be divided up in an office setting based on the number of PCs per department.)
    uncreepy
    I honest to goodness feel like I messed up like half of my life in the span of a week. And I can't undo it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ The sad part of me wants to put a bag on my head and move to a cave. The tired part of me doesn't care. Since I literally can't undo it, I guess I just have to accept that this is how life is now and focus on the half that hasn't changed.

    On a positive note, I got a 95% for my Computer Fundamentals 1 class. (But Computer Fundamentals 2 starts in a few days...)
    uncreepy
    One of my classes is over on the 18th. But I have to do 3 modules instead of 2 for it this week (because the last one is finals). But as soon as I'm done, part 2 of the class starts. Been super busy lately and hardly posting at all, sorry.
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