I got the diagnosis, but I have no clue what to do now. It took over a month and finally getting it was so underwhelming... All that trouble to basically be told what I already knew, except for the important part. I will have to email my question in a day or two after receiving the paperwork. (Sorry for being vague, but I'm not ready to talk about it properly.) I feel like I wasted a month being very sad/wishing for help and getting diagnosed basically didn't change anything. S:>
I kind of want to import Recotte Studio from AHS (want the phsyical ver that comes with a book), but I don't know how to order from AHS to get a physical. Can anyone help me with instructions? Do I need a forwarding service?
I have no clue what's being alluded to on Twitter recently (regarding something someone did in the Vocaloid fandom that is stirring up emotions), but it seems like people who are already in a dark place emotionally lately/don't want to be triggered should avoid Twitter for a while.
I really don't want to know and will be following my own advice. S:
I had a bad dream that I got contacted by an overly cheerful VocaVerse mod telling me I was going to be banned in a few minutes for 1) calling people nicknames (ex: calling RazzyRu "Razz") and 2) posting after my own posts to add details to a thread instead of waiting for someone else to comment before writing again. My eyes shot open in a cold sweat after I wrote a PM back in the dream attempting to defend myself. LOL
I had plans relating to replying to stuff/posting things on VocaVerse and that definitely did not happen today. Today didn't go as planned at all, actually. orz Sorry about that, hopefully tomorrow.
Honestly, I've just been having an immensely difficult time concentrating lately due to some irl stresses and being worried about having to go talk to a doctor soon, I feel like my mind is chaos and I keep leaving the computer/having a hard time holding conversations on the computer/losing track of time. Not productive at all these last few days, even though I know what I should be doing. (I just want to say stuff's going on, I guess, I'm trying not to be rude on Discord by leaving repeatedly, but I am not myself lately. I think it will be better when I talk to the doctor, though.)
I'm dumb. I seriously thought Vocaloid 5 was the only version that actually had a manual, but then I found out that there was one all along in V4 when I looked in the files (it's Program Files (x86) > VOCALOID4 > Editor > Manual).
It's even got phoneme tables (I could've saved so much time not looking at Vocaloid Wiki over and over back in the day)... Somehow, I never saw anyone ever bring it up even though we would complain about lack of English support/documentation. I actually imported Japanese guidebooks on how to use Vocaloid Editor/Piapro when I started out!!! And yet a manual was there along...
I've been working on the grammar guide for my learn Japanese through lyrics website. I can't believe I'm 1) writing a "book" and 2) it's about Japanese (the best subject on the planet) just my idols!
Here's a small preview, probably gonna be a lot longer (like 20 pages or something). I still have to go back and fix the formatting on all of my PDF lessons and song pages, though. This is really tough work!!!
(There's a clip of one of the song pages in the tweet thread, too.)
I am working so hard on the YouTube "learn Japanese" stuff. Turned the concept I posted on here into a vector. I made like 20 mouths and 20 emotions + some eye poses (need more). Here is what I posted to Twitter:
I have had weird problems with every single Miku NT update... How is this possible? I can't tell if my copy of NT is cursed or if I am the cursed one. I wait for the day where I try to update and nothing goes wrong/crashes. [Insert obligatory note warning that I recognize not everyone has experienced the same issues with NT, but that doesn't make my problems any less real.]
Happy to report things have improved since taking a break. n.n Been getting a lot done. Me and my twin have been working on starting a YouTube channel for me that teaches Japanese through strange manga/novels, here is the mockup so far:
The chibi is of me in a slightly tweaked version of my irl favorite outfit (gothic lolita), there are other eye/mouth poses, but we won't show them yet until we turn this into a scalable vector.
There is still a lot left to do before the video can be completed, though...
I feel like I have to do something different about social media + the vocal synth community. I am getting so upset/depressed about stuff that I am barely posting anyway and just skimming notifications/pretending to read them. My bad thoughts are piling up and it's not fun anymore.
I am afraid to miss seeing how everyone is doing/see what they have to say and create, but I have so many things I dislike about this community that it's affecting my real life. I think I want to just quietly pop into the VocaVerse forum/Twitter to see if I have any important PMs (translation related projects or people just wanting to chat about non-vocal synth life stuff, I guess), but avoid starting any conversation or reading anything that will upset me. I will still be on Discord daily, though (I also said I'd do the Japanese manga thing on Friday). I just feel like the forum/Twitter create pressure for me.
One main thing that has been really bothering me is child-exploitation related art on Twitter of certain synth characters. Some of the big community members/companies retweeting stuff like that disturbs me. Some people who share things like that keep reaching out to me and I put up with it because of my translation position, but it filled me with self-hatred. Just being in this community for a couple years and I can honestly say this is the most traumatized I've felt looking at artwork out of any other community (I would rather turn off the mature filter on FurAffinity... at least they're legal!). And recently people have been targeting me for my opinion on Miku NT (PMing me, 2-3 people having conversations about why they don't agree with me, and getting long rants from individuals trying to convince me to love everything about Crypton/NT). It's ridiculous to argue over what I equate to liking chocolate milk or not! I paid money for NT, I think I have a right to review it!
Anyway... I feel so "over" Crypton because of the NT debacle, thinking about all of the disgusting Miku drawings I've seen (some of it officially endorsed by Crypton), and thinking about the time/energy I've wasted on my Wat thread which ended up being filled with misinformation... I'm sick of people being either really depraved otaku or really aggressive about their opinions or selfish about voicebanks and things like that. (End rant.)
Ever since the semester ended (and I stopped caring about the Wat thread), I've gotten SO much free time, it's insane. I don't even know what to do for fun and have just been doing chores. I was thinking really hard about what I used to do before getting into vocal synths and I realized that I have been seriously neglecting anything lyric/visual kei related. That's the reason I learned Japanese. I would just look at beauty men and learn lyrics for hours every day.
I think I let synths take over way too much in my life and I was feeling bad about it. I think that I need to seriously revisit some old lyrics I translated, go to v-kei blogs, flip through my Cure magazines, and just sit down and translate some songs I've sacrificed in favor of (gag) Wat tweets. Really feel like I lost a huge part of my spooky-loving, over-the-top self. I'm getting tired of people trying to get me to agree about vocal synth stuff if I complain even a little (like Miku NT's quality) or being under a microscope in the community, I was used to being completely alone for years and just doing Japanese by myself. I mean, I got what I wanted in the community (working my way up) but at the same time sort of feel like I sold my soul.
Not sure how to explain it, I guess. Not quitting vocal synth (that would never happen), just in such an uninspired dry spell that I feel like I don't even know why I wanted to make original music in the first place. Maybe if I go to my music roots (lyrics), I will go back to normal.
Not vocal synth related, but I was looking at my old Word doc with my "witch story" on it and have a couple favorite parts. Here's one of them:
I imagined my mother taking some delicious, warm cinnamon rolls out of a giant oven deep within the castle. Other chefs would be darting around the kitchen, mixing dough and sprinkling things on top of freshly baked items, pushing around carts stacked high with fancy treats. My sister would swoop in with a bag of frosting--mm, I could almost smell it, and taste the warm frosting which melted a little once it hit the surface.
I really wish I was a writing wizard and could hurry and finish this story. But I keep getting too busy and have been stuck at 20 pages for a long time.
If NT doesn't end up getting Cherry Pie, I want to apologize ahead of time for creating the thread that contributed to giving the impression that we would get Cherry Pie as an NT effector. I feel really horrible about it and like it's my fault people might have "wasted" their money and won't get Cherry Pie.
I feel so bad I don't know how to get over this, and waiting for a reply from Wat I know I probably won't get. So I expect to suffer until the full version of Miku NT is released as my personal little underworld. I know people are waiting for me to ask that letter on behalf of non-Japanese producers, too, I keep putting it off because I am so immensely stressed. I hate Crypton so much right now and how poorly they handle everything all the stinking time
Just hit me how weird the whole Crypton thing is right now. Got a flood of followers in one day, constant notifications/messages (like 20+ at a time). It just started out as an innocent question ("What's the process Western producers use to get commercial approval from Crypton?") and it opened an immense can of worms relating to language barriers, cultural differences (doujin vs commercial), paranoid/upset fans...
The question of the new Miku NT agreement requiring permission for commercial use on top of me unraveling Western producers' "dirty little secret" of not knowing HOW to get permission just... crashed down together in the perfectly timed storm. Only 1 popular Western producer has stepped forward explaining what they did, but no one else has other than 2 Japanese users.
I know popular Western producers are watching because I'm getting notifications of them liking my thread as it develops. I just hope this ends up having a simple resolution that will satisfy fans.
I finished the 1st letter asking about NT vs Vocaloid and will send it tonight. Will work on questioning about permission in a day or two.
Another question is the fact that Crypton missed the 20th deadline for Miku NT. What is going on?!?! I feel like everything is bizarre right now and like I'm not in control (even though I have power in the situation, as in I can contact them in Japanese.) Wow!